Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Flyer Leak! or GW's Art Dept has Schizophrenia like you wouldn't believe...

What is this, a 1985 GI Joe cartoon?

(images from the leaked scans over at The Shell Case blog.)

Oh GW, words fail me. 

Wait, no they don't , otherwise I wouldn't have a blog. Words do not fail me on how shit this aircraft is. One had hoped that the "concept art" from a while back was someone's idea of a joke, but sadly, it's not. When at rest, the thing sits on its turret. Considering the weight of the rest of the aircraft, this is a MAJOR ENGINEERING NO-NO. They couldn't be bothered to stylize the turret at all, and left it as an irritating little box with an assault cannon sticking out of it (ammo, GW?) And what is that thing sticking out the back of the canopy? A cloaking shield for the rest of the thing? The artist that drew it and the manager that green lit it should be shot. For crying out loud, it looks like something from a Japanese bullet hell shooter (except that the Japanese would have employed decent artists). This thing should have been a burly, muscular aircraft, not the front 1/8 of one. Why do the GW artists stop at the front of the plane and call it a day? Why?

Oh wait, they don't:

Hooray! It's a plane! Boo it's wasted on the Orks.
Look! It's a proper aircraft! That's right, the thing that makes sense as an actual working plane is built by the howling  space monkeys who look like they should have built that flying blue guppy up there. Once again, the orks seem to get all the good art talent for their shitty codex. Bravo, boys, and fuck you. 

You know, in a colossal middle finger to whomever designed the StormFish, I might have to ram these two kits together and make some kind of Cobra Rattler for the Ultramarines to fly around. Except, of course, that the game stats for the StormFly are utter shit. 

Moving on:

I understand the working name was "Moon Over My Hammy"

We knew it'd look like this, didn't we? A nasty flying crescent with an inexplicably exposed pilot. The new robot bug designs are phenomenal, and the plane is.... well, it's not bad, is it? I don't know what that shit around the rim is, but the rest of the thing is serviceable... sort of? The same way you wouldn't mind being given a shitty sports car because, though it may not be a great sports car,  at least it's got a turbocharged V12 and it's free? Anyway, let's look at the competitor for this slot in my army: 

Ooooh right. A horrifying mechanical nightmare with actual scythes that is, itself, vaguely scythe-shaped:

Scythes, GW, are long and curved, not shaped like fluffy french pastry.
 All I'd have to do is mount it on a flight base and bob's-your-uncle. Oh, did I mention they break down into smaller parts for easy storage? And, since I'd inevitably want to spam them I already have a pair built. 

It seems you lose again, GW. But don't worry, those Carnifex bits don't come too cheap (wait, yes they do) and I will need some other gribblies from the parts resellers. 

Happy Wednesday, people. Note the poll in the top right.


SandWyrm said...

That last Necron flyer looks pretty um... schlong-ish. If I do say so myself.

But that new Marine gunship takes the cake. How does this thing, even with anti-grav, stay up in the air? Where are the lift points? And how does it keep from tipping over forwards? The turret should really be mounted further back to maintain a balance-able center of gravity.

But at least it looks better than the flying dust buster. :)

Da Masta Cheef said...

Had the Ork fightas not looked so cool, the Necron one would be a shoo in for a konvershun that's painted like the bad moon symbol!

As for the Scorntalon? Well, it is what it is...

Hudson said...

You nailed it, whoever designed the Stormraven and the Storm Talon needs to be beaten about the head and shoulders with the Ork flyers.

#2501 said...

@Sandwyrm: The upgrades will feature an actual scythe like tail courtesy of the new Triarch Stalker kit. In the mean time.... yes, they shall have to endure the locker room envy of the other fighters. :P

Fuzzbuket said...

and why do necrons need to pilot things, THEY ARE ROBOTS JUST WIRE A HEAD IN AND SHAZAM NO NEED FOR A COCKPIT.

same problem with most cron stuff sadly.

also the guy who designed the landspeeder tempest (which is a aircraft) will be hatring himself, as the only person who has designed the only marine aircraft that could work (sorta ) :P

Fuzzbuket said...

@daa masta cheef

build a bad moon gargant, hang a few off those flyers off it as symbols :D

#2501 said...

@Fuzzbuket: Due to the big dumb fluff switch going on, the Necrons have forgotten how to make closed-top vehicles, much less auto-drive ones like the Monolith. Also they like croisssants now, exclusively.

@Sandwyrm: All of your design points are good ones, and alas, the GW artist has either thrown them all out the window, or hasn't bothered to ask at all. How these things get the green light is beyond me. Their art director must be the king of all morons.

Dogui said...

Only people losing here are 40K players that despite the expensive shit GW makes keep playing and buying the game like crack addicts. They always win and its great to watch them.