Friday, May 4, 2012

Stormtalon Leaked!

Beasts of War apparently gets their hands on early copies of White Dwarf, and is revealing all sorts of things, most notably, this horrible thing. 

It flies. That's the best thing I can say about it. Why didn't they just take an Assault Marine and add on a bunch of weapons until he looked like a GP03? Modern Marines get things like the AV-8B Harrier II's, F/A-18's,  and the new F-35 Lightning. Future marines get the flying fish. Oh, and it still has the Stormraven's ridiculous tail assembly. Bravo. Obviously they wanted those little gunboats from Transformers 3, but went to the same git that gave us the previous raft of crap marine fliers, who then bent over and shat out this boxy turd. 

Speaking of turds, here are the stats: 
BS:4 AV11/11/11
Fast Skimmer, Aerial Assault, Supersonic
Ceramite Plating
Escort Craft: Place unit on table within 6" of another unit that arrived from Deepstrike, or Reserve.
Hoverstrike: Stay stationary to gain +1BS
TL Assault Cannon
TL Heavy Bolter - upgradable to either:
TL Typhoon Missile Launchers

TL Lascannon
TL Skyhammer Launchers - S:7 AP:4 Heavy3 R:60"

To sum up, it costs as much as a Vendetta and is not nearly as good. It has the same amount of gun mounts as a Landspeeder with marginally better weapons, but is won't survive long enough to put them to good use. Oh, and it can hold hands with something that deep strikes, so your DS'ing speeder won't feel alone as it gets shot up. This thing has a paltry AV11, so yes, it's going to be missiled out of the sky as soon as it shows its face, which is constantly, and since it's a flyer, it's going to be on a flight base, so, unlike our friend the speeder, no cover for you. It doesn't even carry a melta weapon to take advantage of its speed. 

If you can't figure out a better way to spend 130 points in the Big Blue SM Codex, not to mention your hard earned money, then I wash my hands of you. 


I see where your jealousy lies, GW. Shame on you!


Purgatus said...

The only thing is that Aerial Assault means it should be able to shoot all weapons. Other than that... yeah I've got nothing. 6th Edition will likely up the survivability of flyers but for now... No.

#2501 said...

Yeah, I saw, that, which is kinda okay for blasting tanks, but what if I want to split fire and ruin an infantryman's day as well as his armored friend? Granted, (most) tanks can't really do that either (although they should), but still.

andy_divide said...

If that's what passes for concept art at GW these days then they seriously need to rethink their design studio hiring policies. Seriously, it looks like something I'd have drawn when I was 10... though maybe that's the point, gotta sell SM crap to the kids!

#2501 said...

Yeah, I don't know who draws for GW these days, but there are teenagers in China working for nothing that can put them to shame.

Cornu Mortem said...

That sir, is not what the GP03 looks like...
This is the dendrobrium:

But I think you made my week just by mentioning it. : )

It's almost enough to make me forget the bad taste from that Stormtalon design.

#2501 said...

Maybe it's time for more Mecha models and less GW to wash that image from all of our minds....